By Paonam Thoibi
`Anxiety helps one get the best out of oneself; it motivates a person towards performance and sometimes even facilitates creativity`
Q: Madam, I have high anxiety about anything. It gets crippling at times and I have been told not to think too much, overdo or worry much. I have some friends who are psychologist themselves and they have once told me that Anxiety is not always bad. I want to know what some of its good points are. I know I can Google it up but I want some convincing notes from an expert. -Byron
Ans: Dear Byron, firstly, I am humbled to be considered an expert; that is very encouraging.
I see in you someone who is winning over anxiety and trying to see the upside of anxiety. This is quite a positive attitude. Anxiety is something which everyone has but differs in level from one person to another making it least comfortable with people who has a high degree of it.
It can be crippling, but studies and experiences have to conclude that it does have some unexpected positive sides of it.
Anxiety helps one get the best out of oneself. It motivates a person towards performance and sometimes even facilitates creativity. I often give examples of students who read and perform better during exams because they are anxious in nature. People tend to know someone is more anxious and is quick to rely on them because they see in them someone who would not be laidback, procrastinate and fail a task. An acceptable amount of anxiety often avoids one from fatal accidents which are mostly caused by callousness. It has been accepted that intelligence and other mental faculties are developed further when people makes decisions, re-run over different case scenarios and theories which are sometimes a result of anxiety and trying to meet expectations and demands. Worry may cause a person to avoid dangerous situations. Having said all of these, I would again say that anxiety to an acceptable degree, which may be different from person to person, is healthy and comfortably motivating; while, some people can suffer a lot due to this. I would rather give a message to all to understand your level of stress and anxiety and be prompt to seek help if you feel it is stopping you from optimally functioning in your daily routine.
Q: I argue a lot with my husband over small things and I need help for that. I tend to get very angry too often over little stuff such as not flushing the toilet, leaving the wet towels behind etc. I am scared that part of my personality is copied from my parents who argued openly in front of me. My mother used to pick up fights with my father quite often and I think I have become like that. I want to stop this behavior of mine as my daughter is also growing up. I think I need to learn how to control myself and I just don`t know how. This has been happening for the last 4 years. – Name withheld
Ans: Dear Reader, it`™s quite encouraging that you have done much introspection to figure out yourself. You feel that your anger is learned from observation of your parents who used to pick up fights quite a lot of time. This is true as they are role models from whom you learn a lot as you grew. Arguing over small things, confrontations and conflicts are some ways of expressions which you have seen and learned from them which again could have been learned by them from their parents.
Therefore, it was very true when you were worried about modeling the same for your daughter too. Since you know that it is not the best way to deal with things, I believe you will put in all efforts to break this cycle modeled through generations and start to learn healthy coping means.
You have stated your complain with possible cause and the willingness to change too. I would still want you to consult a psychologist so that any other possible factors of your emotional liability can be addressed and a healthy coping strategy can be worked out together in therapy.
Q: Dear Madam, my 7 years old daughter comes home from school most days, crying and pointing to her legs. When we ask her if she`s in pain she nods her head. We would be all worried and check properly if there`™s any bruise or any injury but there was not any. When we ask her what happened at school she just shrugs her shoulders and won`t answer. She does stop after some attention, but it is really distressing. How can we tell if she really feels pains in her legs? – Anjarani
Ans: Dear Anjarani, your daughter is expressing her pain as a younger child would, by crying and physical gestures. Patiently, encourage her to describe her pain in words. Reassure her that you know her pain is real and that ways can be found to help her. Try to ascertain if there are situations at home or at school that may be stressful for her. It is advisable you try to talk with her teachers at school to know what actually happened at school. Regular fights or bullying can also be a factor for such behaviors. A visit to the doctor may also help to pinpoint properly the cause of her distress.
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Read more / Original news source: http://kanglaonline.com/2014/12/mind-matters/